Monday, June 04, 2007

And Now For Something Completely Different ...

Thought I´d leave something less depressing than politics for the weekend, and cheer you up for a change. ;)

Yes, I know we Germans tend to take everything and everyone, above all ourselves, too bloody seriously. Well, I don´t know about all of us, but I certainly do. Sometimes at least ;)

Ok, so now I´ll try to be funny, or just plain nonsensical. Don´t be too hard on me, I´m doing my best!

Like a Virgin, I am a little worried if it´s going to hurt. But then I suppose Everybody Hurts sometime. But now ... let´s get it over with!

I wake up with my head throbbing like some Samba drummer is giving his best to get into the rhythm. Only he is using my head instead of a drum. Slowly, vague memories of the night before are taking shape in my head.

Hung. Over.

Seems like that irresponsibly self-inflicted Braindamage, which is nothing but the consquence of last night´s major abuse of totally legal liquid drugs, is slowly receding. Now that the Mists of Avalon are slowly lifting, it begins to feel like The Day After.

Not Another Tequila Sunrise! I´ll be staying off them, I swear to myself. In fact, I won´t touch alcohol ever again. Never! (I know, you should Never say Never, but this second, I really mean it!)

Not Another One!

Now I remember. I had dinner at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, before taking a Roadtrip to the City of Angels. And - OMG! - I am actually at the Hotel California. Well, I guess I can call myself lucky for not having ended up in the House of the Rising Sun!

Hotel California

Actually, I had been looking for the Catcher in the Rye who was going to take me down to the Paradise City (not for the girls, but for the other stuff ;) ). From there, we were going to travel a bit further on our Magical Mystery Tour, to catch a glimpse of the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

But when I checked out the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, I read that It never rains in Southern California, so I changed my mind. That´s how I ended up here, drinking, smoking and talking from Dusk till Dawn. I remember we were having this discussion.

Best Guide EVER ;)

The Neuromancer was asking me, "Would you listen to The Handmaid´s Tale? Or to what the Godfather has to say?"

"The Godfather?" I replied with a laugh, "Never! The Liar once promised he would Buy me a Pony. But he never did. Since that day", I continued, taking another sip from yet another Tequila Sunrise, "My Heart is a Lonely Hunter, which feels like it´s been touched by The Left Hand of Darkness."

My companion looked at me with sympathy. "Poor thing," he said softly, almost as if talking to himself, "so you´ve seen the Dark Side of the Moon. If you feel like it, you can Lean on Me. Perhaps I can help you overcome that crisis."

"Crisis? What Crisis?" I almost snapped at him. "You´re just Another Brick in the Wall! And anyway, I Wanna Go My Own Way!"

Crisis? What Crisis?

With that, I got up and left the poor guy sitting there.

So, instead of making Love in an Elevator at least Once in a Lifetime, I screwed up. Oh bother! I Fought the Law and the Law Won!

No wonder I´m feeling like I´m Right Next Door to Hell. If that´s what it´s like to Sleep Now in the Fire, I´m feeling true Sympathy for the Devil. The poor geezer probably keeps Knocking on Heaven´s Door, but they won´t let him in. He´ll probably have to buy a Stairway do Heaven first.

I am delirious. Must be the first signs of withdrawal symptoms. Cold Turkey, so to speak. Speaking of which, I´m feeling Belly Full hungry!

Time for my first Breakfast in America. Hmmm ... as I´m reviving myself with the ample use of cold water, I am imagining what I´m going to treat my mistreated stomach to. Lickin´ Cream sounds like an enticing idea. Or should I be going for Charlie Big Potato? Then again, maybe I should stick with Coffee and Cigarettes.

Coffee and YUK!

No, not good, my stomach revolts at the mere thought of nicotine. I´ll have to come up with a better idea. Use Your Illusion! Or was it "your imagination"? Imagine ... How about some toast and eggs, and maybe some fruit to compensate for some of the Damage Done last night? Bananas, fresh from the Banana Boat. "Here, is that Good Enough For You?" Yes, that seems to appeal to my stomach.

After a last look in the mirror to make sure I don´t quite look like Beetlejuice anymore, I take a deep breath and step outside my room. I am greeted by music - some Guerilla Radio playing a song that´s almost a tad Too Funky for me. But You Can´t Always Get What You Want, and getting a bite now is really my main priority right now. Above the entrance to the dining-room, there´s a sign which reads "Welcome to the Jungle".

The breakfast buffet looks delicious. There are not only skippers for breakfast, but Peaches, bananas, and what looks like almost entire Strawberry Fields. And, best of all, Banana Pancakes.

But even better, I see the man of my dreams sitting there, smiling at me, Behind Blue Eyes. I am experiencing a Total Eclipse of the Heart as he kisses me. He just smiles, and says "You Could be Mine!"

"Only if you Take me to the River," I reply with a grin.

"Anything you want, I Promise," he says solemnly, "because I Don´t Wanna Miss a Thing!"

Bliss! And I say to myself, "What a Wonderful World!"

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