Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Relationships Without Sex

Sexless relationships are a phenomenon to me! I know quite a few of them myself (though our own, thankfully, is not one of them), and I cannot help wondering how these relationships work at all, and - why one of the partners simply does not want sex.

It seems to be mainly women who at some point decide that they don´t want it anymore, at least not with their partners (though occasionally you´ll find a woman who "wants" and whose partner doesn´t want to - at least not with her).

And I wonder, and I hope you guys and girls out there can help me: Why is it that so many women do not want sex?

Of course, there may be a variety of reasons for this. Traumatic experiences (like having been abused in childhood, or having been raped) may be one cause, and perhaps one the partner does not even know about.

Stress may be another factor - I remember going through a no-sex-please-phase at a time when my job was particularly stressful. At least I think that was the reason I wasn´t to keen on sex - it simply was not on my agenda. I´d come home and be just tired, wanting to go to sleep (probably after having a couple of beers or a few glasses of wine), cuddle up next to my sweetheart, feeling him close to me - but, please, no sex!

Perhaps many women are just not enjoying the sex they are having and are finding themselves unable to articulate this. (Maybe they would like to be touched differently, maybe there is not enough foreplay, maybe there is too much pressure to "fulfill" and have an orgasm, maybe they´ve never had an orgasm ...)

And, of course, there may always be physical reasons that cause sex to be outright painful. Not to forget that the pill may act as a veritable lust killer (yes, it even says so in the package insert!).

Does the same happen in same sex relationships?

If you are in a sexless relationship, how do you deal with it if you are the one who still loves to have sex?

If you are the partner who doesn´t want sex: Why don´t you want it (anymore)? Do you not have sex at all, or are you just not feeling like having sex with your partner?

Have you guys ever tried to talk about this and find out why your women are not interested anymore? Are you as a couple able to talk about sex in your relationship, your fantasies and wishes, or is it a taboo ?

If you have any ideas, suggestions, assumptions or experiences concerning the above, please post them here. Cheers!

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