Sunday, April 08, 2007

Shoes, Boobs and Bras

Having recently reanimated this blog, I waded through my old posts from one and a half years ago (they were in German at that time). And not without a certain amount of amusement, I re-read the comments of two stray (and entirely unexpected) readers, who were musing about if I was a guy or a girl. This, as an aside, happens to me in real life as well - especially when I am running; yes, I do look like a boy, having short hair, being fairly small and slender (hey, I´m a runner!), and perhaps because I am a little devoid of some of the more prominent primary sexual characteristics (i.e., I don´t have the largest of all boobs). It happened to me one and a half years ago at the Berlin marathon, when one spectator upon seeing my BIB with the clearly visible F (for "Female") printed in front of the number, exclaimed in amazement "Hey, that´s a woman?!" And it happened to me last week at a local race, when - as I was making my way towards the finish line - a spectator exclaimed, "Hey, that´s the ninth woman - or is that a woman?"

On the other hand, I do have fairly beefy legs, so I don´t feel really comfortable wearing mini skirts. At least I always feel weird and very self conscious, so I usually prefer wearing shorts. (By now you could have told I´m a woman, right?)

However, the reason those two stray readers were pondering the thrilling questions of what sex I really belong to was not because of what they´d seen of me (at that time, there was no photo of myself included in my blog´s profile), but they were wondering because of my style of writing and because of my choice of topics. I probably didn´t really sound like a man, but on the other hand, writing about trading puts and calls, about situps, pushups (no, not bras - that´ll follow later), running and sex (although the latter, to my experience now, is a topic covered frequently, if not mainly, by women, judging by the frequency of erotic blogs run by fellow members of my sex), and the way I mused about life in general apparently did not sound particularly feminine either. One of my stray readers thought it was most likely that I was a homosexual man, although not one to display a very feminine behaviour, either.

So, when I´d finally outed myself, I was asking what topics were more typical for women, according to their opinion.
The answer, surprise surprise, was "shoes", "bras" and "children".

Ok, so for once, I´ll try to write about the things considered more appropriate for females. Having already touched upon the sensitive subject of my primary sexual features (boobs!), or rather, the lack thereof, I´ll resume at that point. Because, come to think of it, boobs/tits/breasts are probably at least as much of a topic for women as bras. The longer I think about it, in fact, the more important, not to mention sensitive this issue actually is.

Tits for women are either too small or too huge, but they are never right. As an exchange student in Canada, I had a roommate whose breasts had gone from an A cup size to a C cup size after she went on the pill. In my view, her breasts were wonderful (though I never told her; too bad! I was far too shy for that back then), and I´m sure here boyfriend greatly appreciated them, too. She, however, was suffering, seemingly at least. But then, come to think of it, she had probably been suffering as much when her breasts were several cup sizes smaller, because then, she surely found them way too small, in comparison with other girls her age. Oh, why can´t they be just right, ever? *Sigh*

My own tits, as I have mentioned, are decidedly on the small side. Which doesn´t bother me too much, in general, because
a) it´s practical not having to wear a bra all the time;
b) when running, I don´t have to carry that additional weight and burden around with me (I remember once before the Berlin Marathon, I was watching a group of fellow runners, and among them was one woman with incredibly huge breasts. I thought to myself "Geez! Imagine having to carry that around on your 42km race - no way!");
c) now that I am getting older, they aren´t hanging down to my belly button, simply because they are too small to be hanging down very far;
d) they don´t get in the way when hugging or having sex - I can get really close to my sweetheart, without something supersized standing (or rather: hanging) between us.

So, all in all, I´m fairly happy with my AA-cup breasts. At least I´m trying to convince myself of this, although my boyfriend would surely tell you otherwise - hey, just because I like to occasionally kid about my oh-so-tiny-far-too-small ... no, only kidding again; I´m happy with them, ok?!?

No, seriously, the only thing I really regret from time to time is that they are too small for certain sexual ventures (no, I won´t elaborate on them here - use your imagination; or go visit my other blog, but only if you´re comfortable with adult content!!!).

Now, as I said, I really don´t have to bother with bras. Normally. However, a couple of years back, my sweetheart and I spent Christmas in Beirut (a wonderful city, just as an aside!). For some reason, whatever T-shirt I was wearing, my nipples kept perking through. Although Beirut is a very laid back and open minded place, we were still very aware that we were in a Middle Eastern country, and especially my partner didn´t feel to comfy walking around with a woman with her nipples provocatingly visible. That´s how I got to buy my first real bra (apart from tube bras, which I´d on occasion worn before, but they couldn´t prevent my nipples from being clearly visible, either) - at the tender age of 38. It was stuffed, and it was a push up. And it made me look as if I suddenly had tits. Quite an experience! When my sweetheart first saw me in it, he was quite impressed. But it also led to some sort of disillusionment on his behalf. "Wow! Well, I guess from now on, I won´t quite believe whatever I see, chances are it´s all fake, anyway," or somehow along these lines his comment went.

Back to the bra. Because of its lining, it didn´t feel too uncomfortable at all. Which, not too long ago, brought me to consider buying some more. No, not necessarily push-up bras, just the lacey sort, you know, for a little teasing, and perhaps for shooting some erotic photographs. That kind of thing. So - one rainy Sunday afternoon, I looked for lacey bras on eBay, because I had no intention of spending a lot of money - hey, they are not that important to me!). I found a couple of them that looked like they were just what I´d been looking for, and I placed bids on three of them, thinking I´d be lucky to even get one for the price I deemed acceptable (which was not more than 10 EUR, including postage).

Now, here´s another advantage when you´re fairly small, or, in that case, when your tits are fairly small: There just aren´t too many bidders on eBay (which, of course, can be a disadvantage when you´re trying to sell stuff your size ...). Needless to say, I was the highest bidder on all three of them, so I ended up with three more or less lacey bras, in red, blue, and black. And they are all underwire bras. And, of course, two of them are push-up bras, and one of them is padded - HAHAHA!

So - I only wear them for a few select moments. Because, as I have come to discover, the underwire can be really painful. I don´t know who designs these things, but I am almost certain that it´s either a man, or someone never ever wearing these things him/herself, or both. Because I find that when I am wearing an underwire bra for more than a couple of hours, the underwire starts to pinch into the bony part of my sternum in a very uncomfortable fashion. Let alone when I am lying on my belly on the futon, the notebook in front of me, as I like to do frequently.

And, of course, the fit is less than perfect. Although all three of them are supposedly the same size, the red one has quite a bit of spare room, which looks a little silly with the lace standing there on its own, the breast not quite filling it, while the blue bra is almost too small. The black (and padded) one, however, is the "Goldilocks-bra": Not too big, not too small, but just right. In other words: Unlike a woman´s breasts can ever be to a woman.

I´ll leave it to someone else to write about shoes. At least for now.


Beebles said...

Probably the greatest post I've read.

I'll tell ya what -- I'll cover the shoes.

Actually, can I cover something less boring than shoes? :)

Ragamuffin said...

Hi, and thx :) Hmmm ... something less boring than shoes? Boy ... that´s a tough one! Ah, wait ... how ´bout "handbags"? ;)

Beebles said...

Handbags?! How about.... Make-up